Current time waster; Future drug dealer

Busy busy busy!

2010-04-05T19:37:00.000-05:00

I'm late, I'm late for a very important date. No time to say hello, goodbye! I'm late! I'm late! I'm late!
Saw the new Alice in Wonderland movie. I should have worn some of my Alice in Wonderland makeup but I unfortunately didn't think of it. Unfortunate. Why is a raven like a writing desk?

I'm hired. Going to take care of babies. Taking care of God's babies!!! I'm excited. And a little nervous. I don't want to make any mistakes. Unfortunately, I know thats impossible. But I'm going to do my best to not.

Just got back fom home for Easter, which was so nice and relaxing. We just talked, and talked. Ate and ate. Wonderful! I had a great time at home.

I did think mom's finger was over the lense, but thought surely she'd see it in the screen if it really was there.......lol

Time.......Loss & Hope, Future & Past, & Soap

2010-03-05T09:04:00.000-06:00

I finished the book. It wasn't easy. The majority of the book was following their happy lives. But by the end you know what's inevitable. And it's no big surprise. But you still are never ready. So I cried and cried while reading for the last hour or so. And went to clinic all swollen the next day!!!

Why did I read it I wonder? I think being able to connect and understand with situation and apply it to what's going on around me........it's a way of dealing with it. Otherwise I will just avoid it.

Strangely enough I feel like this book mirrors our family's life quite a bit.

"But don't you think," I persist, " that it's better to be extremely happy for a short while, even if you lose it, than to be just ok for your whole life?"

Sounds very familiar to something our family has said repeatedly. It's better to have someone wonderful in your life for a short time than to have an "ok" person forever. (Of course, referring to Dad).

It's been over a year now. And still it's pretty difficult. Not unbearable, but difficult. Something mom has said that I didn't quit understand until recently was how she couldn't believe how some object could still be here, but dad gone. I find myself thinking something similar. Man, this may sound crazy. But I'll say it anyway. There's some soap I bought October 2008, shaped like a pumpkin. I didn't use it up last halloween so I saved it and brought it back out this Halloween, and still didn't finish it, so I've been using it occasionally since to get it out of here. Now that I'm getting to the bottom of the bottle, I am getting a little sad because I think "I bought this while Dad was still alive. This was here while Dad was alive." It's like when I was a kid, and would use up stickers and would be sad. Kinda silly. But still.

As for the bottle, I'm now having to pump it a few times to get enough soap out.

Time Traveler's Daughter

2010-02-21T10:28:00.000-06:00

Received a book, The Time Traveler's Wife, for my birthday way back in October along with a box of tissues in the mail from a friend. This was soon after he had invited me to join a group of friends to go see the movie. I was DEFINITELY unprepared, cried through the whole movie, and was gross, swollen, and snotty afterwards. Making everyone uncomfortable.
So I think sending me the book was a sort of apology, rather than rubbing it in my face that I boo-hooed like a baby.

So I'm re-torturing myself and reading the book. Enjoying it so far, and haven't gotten to the upset part. Maybe I should stop now before I reach it!

SPOILER ALERT************* Don't read further if you haven't read/watched the movie

I don't know the story behind why the book was written, but if it were up to me, the "time traveling" is memories of a person after they die. The book goes forwards and backwards of course in ways memories actually can't, but if I were writing the book, essentially that is what it would have been about.

When I can place whatever fictional situation and apply if to my life, that's when I get really upset. I look at it less from his perspective, but from the perspective of the wife and daughter. To relive this person over and over again after they die is wonderful and re-upsetting because you realize how much you miss every little thing about them.

But I'm also jealous of the movie/book because they actually get to experience the person themselves rather than just as a memory. But maybe that would keep you from never moving on if you were just waiting for the next moment to see them.

I'm actually really sad about Dad not being at my graduation. He would have been the most excited of everyone, and possibly the most proud. He had the most confidence of anyone that I'd get into Pharmacy School and make it through. I'm really sad he didn't get to see me finish.

Lessons can be learned from chocolate.

2010-02-19T08:20:00.000-06:00

Now that I've gotten through the tougher parts of the semester, I've started looking more and more ahead and getting excited. Staying in school for sooooooo long....has made me feel like my life had be come so stagnant. Felt stuck and my life was just staying in the same place.

Thank goodness I am nearly done. I'm going to get to do something different with my life very soon!!!! I've been really excited about moving. I've gone through a lot of very difficult things in this apartment. And I'm planning on leaving a lot of that here in the apartment. Hopefully the move out clean will make it new for the next tenant!

I'm also excited about new people. Where I end up working will be filled with new people. I love meeting new people. Opportunities for future friendships, and beyond! Who knows!

Now for the more immediate future, mom's getting ready to come visit me in a few weeks! I think we are going to look at apartments, run around town, and just have a good time. I haven't seen her, or any of my family since christmas (JULIE!), so I'm really glad to have her come visit. Julie, I better see you too. I really miss seeing my fam. When I go a long time w/o seeing them, I feel so disconnected from them.

And even more immediate, may get to go to a Mavs game this weekend. Never been before!

Then for recent past....so Valentines didn't turn out as planned. Ended up being a lot of fun anyhow. But definitely has made me rethink some things.

I've seen this a couple of times. When are a person is TOO close to some of their friends, that they get in a severely dependent relationship with them. It makes people around you feel unwelcome, unwanted, and finally quit being friends with you.
Any type of relationship, whether it be a friendship or courtship, that starts shutting other people in your life out is unhealthy. Believe me, I know from first hand experience. But I assumed it was only with boyfriend/girlfriend relationships. But twice now I've seen it where overly dependent friendships shut other people out. And both have ended with me deciding to quit being friends with them to avoid being hurt. Because it's inevitable.

We can't go around measuring our goodness by what we don't do, by what we deny ourselves, by what we resist and who we exclude.

Sick again!

2010-02-12T11:38:00.000-06:00

Got sick again yesterday! Gettin' sick of it.

So slept a lot of yesterday, while it snowed aaaalll day!! Thats right. All day. In north texas. A little crazy. I'd say around here we probably have about 5-6 inches.

Luckily no rotation today so I dont have to get out in it. But thanks to a little cabin fever, I decided to redecorate my blog. And take a cabin fever pic. That should explain the funny photo.

Well I've had much stress relief since I last posted!!! I have a possible job.....a definite fall-back...done with Grand Rounds...and done with Adult Medicine! So I'm starting to look ahead and get excited, rather than look ahead not knowing where I may be and worrying. And started looking at apartments. If it works out like I think it may, I'll probably end up living in the same area. So I'm looking at slightly larger apartments....preferably with a second bedroom per the mom. (Mom volunteered your old bed Julie if thats ok)

So I've been looking online at ones where I'm at, and right around here. I'll just play them against each other the best I can!

Anyone wanna come look for apartments with me? Julie? Bueller? :)

I'm going to get back to reading and being pitiful for the day. But I love looking out my window at all the beautiful snow!

Can't wait for Wednesday 5 PM.

2010-02-07T19:45:00.000-06:00

Wednesday 5 PM. I will have taken my Adult Medicine final and have just finished my grand rounds presentation. CANNOT WAIT! It will be such a huge stress off of my shoulders :)

When I'm done with my GR....I will start working out more again. And cooking....I've been looking through my "Top Secret Restaurant Recipes 2" by Todd Wilbur and been eyeing recipes I want to test out....definately want to make sure Chili's salsa....have made it before and its one of my favorite salsas everywhere. Its the massive amounts of cumin that make it so amazing!

Also I was doing research on the newer recipe book like mine......and it wasnt looking so good. It had a bunch of McDonald's recipes for example.....and Arby's sauce recipe....Really? People want to make that crap at home? Because I think he chooses recipes to make based on request. and people REALLY want MORE McDonalds?

Julie -- remember that restaurant we went to that had the yummy pulled pork sandwich? I wanna go there when you come visit me. They have this amazing Basil-Grape drink that i LOOOOOOOVE. And i've been craving that amazing pulled pork sandwich.
--My recipe book has a pulled pork sandwich w/ some coleslaw in it, so it made me think of that.

I will also quit getting sick! I'm blaming the stress on me getting sick TWICE this week. Although it's really probably not the reason.....so I did go ahead and get an antibiotic to help me really kick it this time. Although it still kinda baffles me. Both times I've had high fever (especially this latest bout) for a full day and just had general malaise all day long. and a cough. And chest tightness. But then day 2, feel MUCH better. And just have a little cough left......?!? It better not come back!!!

And now for Valentines day -- I dont have plans yet. YET. Who know what may happen between now and Sunday though. I'm still crossing my fingers that one of the medical residents thinks its a good idea to ask me to do something. Not that I've really talked much to any of them outside of the ones on my team, but you know, it may happen ;)

But I did send my mom and my sister a surprise which I hope comes before V-day! It's a fun little present so I hope they like it. And I hope I get to enjoy it too when I come to visit!!!

But Wednesday at 5. I just have to survive until then.

Presentation... career....cute heels

2010-02-04T21:29:00.000-06:00

All 3 things currently on my mind.

I have my Grand Rounds presentation next wednesday. I am anxious about it, and I never feel prepared enough! But I have my ppt prepared and turned in...all I have to do now is review all the literature, make sure i understand the biostatistics....and present it. So ready to have it over! One more thing to check off before I graduate!

Career.....Currently searching for one. It's an exciting but nerve-wracking process! I've begun interviewing, and have some hopefuls! So my fingers are crossed. Have until May so I suppose I won't stress too much yet. I will though.....but i will TRY not to!

Cute heels. I've decided today that its healthy for everyone to have hobbies. I have other hobbies....but what a wonderful hobby it would be to collect heels!! Heels.....Heels make you feel powerful. I am woman! At least it makes me feel powerful/pretty/poised. Heels are therapeutic.
And they make everyone's legs look great.

I got myself some new heels to reward myself for my hard work on my presentation. Or to relieve the stress of it. Both.

Alice in Wonderland -- Again!!!!

2010-01-31T08:05:00.000-06:00

I've talked about or mentioned Alice in Wonderland more than once on my blog. Makes me think I must have some secret obsession without realizing it.

Anyway. Wasted a LOT of money yesterday at Ulta. Gifts.....makeup I needed....and what I want to focus on....Makeup I DIDNT need. :)

Book off Shadows -- Alice in Wonderland Makeup Set by Urban Decay

I am hoping that Kandee the makeup artist (kandeethemakeupartist.blogspot.com) does several videos with this. She recently did one with the turq

uoise and silver...however I think that may only look good on darker eyes. So I may hold off.

Last night went to eat out with T-money in uptown (which I never venture to), so I was excited to freshen up my makeup with this set!! I didn't want to go too wild since I was in a hurry.

So I used... (basically) The pink on the bottom row 2nd to left on my lid, mushroom (the taupe right above that) I used in my crease and blended up, and over that Queen (purple in top right corner) just in the crease on the outer corners, and White Rabbit (white) as highlight under my eyebrows.

It also has a black and turquoise eyeliner, so I tried out the black, and its goes on really smooth and works really well on the waterline for a smokey look! So it was a nice bonus in addition to all of the fun colors!

Anyway, it looked great! I think anyway :)

I think it was a good investment. I didnt have a lot of "fun" colors, and this has a plethora and is organized! I hate a messy makeup drawer. Magnefique!

Oh! Another of my fun purchases is a bronze polish -- OPI Brisbane Bronze! So fun.

I resolute......to happiness!!!

2010-01-03T12:25:00.000-06:00

I've been in a rut the last 2 years, and I'm choosing to turn that around!

I never make new years resolutions....but I'm going to this year.

Resolutions:

1: To be happy. Continue living my life and quit being so stuck on the past.

2: To work out at least 5 days/week (I'm stealing it from amanda) and just to increase in general healthiness.

Thats all i've got for now. But just going on with my life is what I need to do now. I've been stagnant for too long.

Once upon a time

2009-11-17T19:57:00.000-06:00

"Once upon a time, I thought I was put on earth to save my sister. In the end, I couldn't do it. I realize now, that wasn't the point. The point was I had a sister. She was fantastic. One day I'm sure I'll see her again. But until then, our relationship continues."

The bebes.

2009-11-12T21:51:00.001-06:00

Bebe: sounds like...shed-shed minus the "d"s

I figured I better put a happy post in here considering I only think to post when I'm very upset and need an outlet.

Right now I'm on my pediatrics rotation at a NICU. All the sweet little bebes....but I wish they were all ready to go home and not at the NICU :( They are very sweet though.

I saw a new momma in the elevator getting wheeled out I suppose to go home, but she didn't seem very happy so I wonder if her baby was in the NICU.

There are several sets of twins and even a set of triplets! I dont get to interact with the bebes very much, but I will get to more I believe as time goes on. Its my first week after all.

But it seems to be going well so far. I get to leave at 2:30 every day which is AMAZING! As opposed to 10-12 hour days which I was doing towards the end of my last rotation.....and that was no fun. And theres this amazing sandwich shop at the hospital. I had a pecan chicken salad sandwich that was yummy :)

Mom was here this past weekend. Not to see me. :) but I did get to see her!!! Some ladies came to big D for some shopping, and I got to join in for some of it, so I was glad I got to see her.

We went to "market" and there was a fur store there, and of course offered to pay for half of a fur coat if I could get it for christmas. It was a deal so I've got a fur coat that I'm gonna get for christmas! Well I guess it's leather with fur trim. Whatever. Tomato, tomato. But I made friends with one of the sales-guys because we went 2 days in a row and talked to him both days.

They are based in Aspen, how cool would it be to live some where around there? Anyway, he said he'd host if I ever got some people who wanted to go skiiing in aspen lol

Thats all!

If anything doesnt make sense or i completely use a wrong word, I've had a migraine for a greater part of the day and have taken some headache medicine that kinda makes me crazy.

THE END

Different things.

2009-11-08T20:13:00.000-06:00

Things that I have envisioned or expected my entire life that will not be as expected.

The negativity blog.

1. Graduation

2. Wedding

3. My first baby (assuming)

4. Christmas

5. Adulthood

6. Vacations

7. Hosting the family wherever I end up

8. Picking my first house to buy

9. Moving......(again)

10. Asking advice about "guy" things

Thats enough for today.

To: Angry People in the Pharmacy

2009-08-17T18:48:00.001-05:00

No, we don't set/change the price of your prescriptions. YOUr insurance does.

- in fact, by charging you more, we DON'T make more. Again, we arent setting the price. We arent seeing much of that money....

No, we don't deny your refills. YOUr physician does.

- if it were up to me, you could have as many refills as you wanted! A million refills? Sure!!! Anything you want!

No, we don't make your maintenance medications unavailable. The drug company does.

- Yes, I do know you need it. If it were up to me, your prescriptions would be available, and I personally would get it ready for you. However, my hands are tied up as to....that we don't even have any in the pharmacy. I'm not just withholding from you. I swear. No really. I swear.

No, we don't make you wait to fill your next prescription. Again, that's YOUr insurance company.

- Yes, if it were up to me, you could just fill whenever you wanted. Yep. Maybe you wanna stockpile for the next time your prescription becomes unavailable, thanks to the drug company for being dumb and not following the rules.

Ohhh what else.......

No, YOUr physician still hasnt called anything in for you. Or faxed. Or anything.

- Yes, I do believe you that your physician was going to call you in such and such strength of xanax and hydrocodone, however without a prescription, your doctor has tied up my hands. I cannot fill that.

-No, not even if YOU call and tell me you've spoken to the physician yourself. I still cannot fill it until I get a prescription.

- I know you're going through withdrawal, but quit calling to see if we got it.

- How about I call you instead.

Yes, one of your prescriptions is $14. Your insurance won't cover it 100%

- Although I wouldnt mind if you picked up the $14 along with the $0 one. I'm tired of being the only one between the two of us paying for your prescriptions.

Ok that will be all that I inform you about for today.

Just remember you are in control of your life and destiny. Here are some good examples of this

1. You chose your insurance (without reading the fine print that said they cover nothing).

- You shopping around for prescriptions (without first consulting a physician? The pharmacy can't give you a price until we run a prescription through your insurance. Wanna know a good way to know how much it would be? Call YOUr insurance. Ask THEM. They set the price, not us. Again, our hands are tied by the insurance.

2. You chose your physician (it is not my fault that he never gives refills because he's like to get a larger profit by making you come in more often. This may not be the case though. Some physicians ignore pharmacy requests for more refills. Even so, you chose him/her.)

3. You chose to take the prescriptions your doctor prescribed. Are you informed about your medications? Adverse reactions? Know why you are taking what you are? You can find all of this on the internet easily. Or as your pharmacist. We will tell you everything for free.

- Your doctor is not forcing you to take these medications. Be informed and make your decision.

Don't take your pharmacy (or even your physician) for granted. We are providing a service to you (that to tell you the truth, no one is forcing us to do). a SERVICE. Would you ever treat your masseuse that way? Nope, because they are providing a service to you that makes you FEEL good.

We are PROLONGING and increasing the QUALITY of your life. by a SERVICE we CHOSE to do. Then why do you act like we owe it to you? We don't. But we do it because we want to provide this service because we care about people.

I want to again emphasize that YOU are in control of YOUR life, YOUR insurance, YOUR physician.

Randomness

2009-06-04T19:38:00.000-05:00

Mom and I are going to Santa Fe tomorrow, which I am really excited about! Spa....food....shopping.....yes. It will be wonderful!
Stories to telll.........hmmm havent got really good about myself so I'll tell you some about someone else.
A friend of mine, married a few years, was tenderizing steaks with that mallot thing, whatever it is called. Him and his father-in-law were talking and going on, when he suddenly asks his f-n-l "So, do you beat your meat?" :D

Another story about the same person.
They were cooking hot dogs out, and he was manning the grill when the pastor walks up. My friend says to him, "Sorry, I'd shake your hand but I've got weenie juice all over them!"

Sorry -- slightly crude, but oh so funny :)

"Direct your eyes to the obvious truth. Puppy-dog lies will not sweeten the truth. You whisper and scream but you can't refute. It's absolute."
Sounds negative....but sometimes you gotta face it like it is. Sometimes sugaring things over in you mind seems easier, but in the end it'll hurt longer if you do!
Sometimes the way things seem are really the way they are.
A good example is of when a boy loses interest in a girl, and what the girl goes through. She will play mind games with herself, extending the agony -- but while simply hoping.
So girls, sometimes better to just see the truth.

Other than that, I've been countin by 5's and savin lives.

The hood.

2009-05-17T21:33:00.000-05:00

So mom and I took a walk around the block, being healthy and all.

And I'll just say if I wasnt from around here I'd wonder if I shouldn't feel completely safe walking in the neighborhood. Half or more of the houses are still as they were before, middle-class American with well kept yards.

The other half? Weeds, trash, paint chipping, cars parked IN THE GRASS, and basically just falling apart.

Very sad to see the neighborhood going so downhill.

Start rotation tomorrow at the rural pharmacy. wooo. Well not excited or anything, but at least I get to wear jeans.

We'll see how tomorrow goes!

Wide open spaces

2009-05-05T20:31:00.000-05:00

So.

Finishing up school soon. Thank you Jesus. Well, for this year anyway. But not more classes! Only rotations!!! Again, thank you, Jesus.

Moving back to west texas for 6 weeks........hopefully that will go well. Excited/nervous. I know by the end I'll be ready to come back I'm sure.

So what to do to keep me occupied while I'm there.

1. Try to go through ALL of my notes and review everything to get ready for all the rotations.
2. Work out (and get mom walkin!)
3. Learn how to cook some new stuff
Ummm running out of things to do.....
4. Work in the yard and try to get everything fixed up.
hmmmmmmmmmm

Yeah thats all I can think of. Any ideas Lauren?

Looking forward to it. I hope it goes better than I'm imagining though!

And wondering how the cat will do in the car.....

Wanting to join a cult.

2009-04-19T20:38:00.001-05:00

And that cult is Crossfit.

Right now....my plan is after I get back from my 6 weeks at home (which I plan on making myself getting into better shape by runnin all over the place! -- we'll see if that works out) to join a crossfit gym.

People I know who have done crossfit for a year (or less!) are in AMAZING shape. Not only do they look good, but they are trained like an athlete. As opposed to the masses of jacked up people at the gym who look great but would die if they had to do some kind of intense athletic performance outside of the gym. I find myself frustrated a lot with how out of shape I feel, get out of breath when doing what used to be normal activities for me!

And I figure if I need an outlet to get obsessed with something, why not something healthy?

There are a few cons however. All of the gyms are equally about 30 minutes from where I live. And...its not free. I'm used to paying 15$ a month for a gym membership....for a crossfit membership (which includes the training as well -- hence the increased cost) is ~$100/month (this includes student discount).

All in all though....i think the benefits are worth it.

Now if I can just actually make myself do it. It's.....pretty intense workouts. And I know NO ONE does well when just beginning. Can I just skip to the "I'm in super shape" part? Maybe I can get someone to join with me. :)

Lauren? Wanna move to dallas and crossfit? Oh and btw, after doing some research, theres one in Sugarland as well. So if I happen to move there, I hope you'll go with me :D Year round...sic-fit bikini bods. lol

Well, this is the first thing i've been inspired/excited about in a good long while. Maybe I'm breaking through the numbness. I hope anyway!

So there it is. I want to join the Crossfit Cult.

Old mirrors

2009-03-14T20:54:00.000-05:00

I'm sure everyone has this. Surely anyway.

Memories that when you think of them you feel sad, but really it's more of a longing for them because they are so wonderful.

Right now (of course) I'm longing for my childhood again. Reliving memories over and over in my mind because I want them again so badly.

An old mirror with all of those shadows and imperfections that come with age recently took me back to spending the night with my grandparents. This always included playing in her closet, bubble baths, the fireplace being on no matter the time of year, and OJ (always on hand since grandad had diabetes) and old-fashioned oatmeal for breakfast before we went home with the parents.

Flipping channels and quickly going by the travel channel featuring "Disney Vacations" triggered a memory that I had to ask mom if this was a real memory. I was really really little when we went to Disneyland, and we went to this thing called something like an electric light parade that's after dark. All i remember is this giant light catapillar that reminded me of my sisters glow worm.

I'm not really sure what triggered this, I remember the only time I ever heard my dad cry in a child-like way, and it was when we were going out to the farm to bury our dog Trixie. I dont know if I'll ever be able to find that tree myself, it was near some tail water pit. I guess it doesnt matter. I just hate that I dont know.

What about all the lost memories? I wish I had one of those mis-wired brains sometimes that files everything away, and is easily accessible no matter when no matter what.

I know I am so lucky to have had these memories. How can they be so painful then? I wish thinking of them brought me joy right now. In a sense they do, but mostly just sadness that they're gone never to re-live.

You know, this really isn't fair. All I can say is that I'm not ready. A little late I guess.

DABDA

Inpatient

2009-02-22T18:22:00.000-06:00

So I figured out why really suddenly I'm back to thinking about it all the time and being pretty sad and having daily crying episodes.

In theory, I knew that inpatient rotation could upset me, but I didnt know what to expect. It is in an ICU, which dad was in for a year. After the first day I knew it upset me to go in an ICU for the first time since, but decided since then that it didn't bother me.

Survived this week, only to have a not so bueno weekend, being pretty sad and thinking about the past year constantly. Apparently the ICU and patients that I've been assigned really are getting to me. I've been blocking my thinking about this, and this is forcing me to face some of this stuff all over again. One of my patients I'm following I am scared to find out what's gone on over the weekend. If the worst has happened, I dont know how I'll react.

So I emailed my preceptor and explained the situation since I know she probably didnt know, and I didnt want her to think that my attitude was due to laziness or just not caring. I almost wish I could just get moved to something else....ANYTHING else....like surgery or something. I know I will get less sensitive to this stuff, but man, the wound hasnt scabbed over like I thought it had yet.

I know she's not going to be happy with my patient workup....but I just really don't even wanna look at their chart or think about it.

My kitty lost a tooth today. Had no clue that cats "teethed".

Because it's nightime

2009-02-18T23:25:00.000-06:00

And this is what goes through my head at night time.

In terms of life in general, the rug has been pulled out from under me.
Just gettin this out into whatever space it ends up (and Lauren), just have to get it out there.

Alice through the looking glass.....down the rabbit hole...whichever you prefer.
Or drunk dumbo maybe. -- pretty frightening.

If you can imagine these images and how they make you feel, thats how life feels when i stop a moment and think about it.

I'm in my life, but its something completely new and unrecognizable. There is no comfort zone to fall back on.

I know someday "normal" will feel normal. but for now it does not and things just feel unstable. drunk dumbo and alice in wonderland.

The end.

"It's life Jim, but not as we know it" --- star trek fyi....I know it from a song...don't actually watch it.

Day 5 of my captivity

2009-02-09T18:42:00.000-06:00

Today my day began with being trapped, yet again, in the cold torture chamber of solitude. My captor seems to think by placing me where she stores her food will somehow intimidate me into submission. I will not submit. Then I was forced into a cage hardly bigger than myself for what seemed like days, only to escape it to enter another hell. I'm not exactly sure what the purpose of the place was, but I could hear other prisoners screaming in terror and pain. Only to experience some of the horror myself. A man entered with teeth bared. Before I knew what was happening, he had a cold rod shoved in where things should only exit. As if that wasn't enough to humiliate me, he stabbed me in the back, forcing what only can be acid under my flesh.

The rest of the day I have had no energy, and just feel poopie. The acid is burning me from the inside out. Starting with my soul.

Tomorrow. Tomorrow I will escape.

--Toffee

By suggestion of Lauren......

2009-02-08T07:39:00.000-06:00

Da blog. Hmmmm. Not sure exactly how I feel about this here. I think to successfully blog, one has to believe that others desire to read what's to be said. So I will be pretending that everyone wants to read this until, someday, I've finally tricked myself into believing this.

Other blogs I've read simply discuss the day to day activities, which sometimes re-examined are amusing. Others deal with big important issues. A good...deep...one is http://www.theangrypharmacist.com

Pretty enjoyable.

So...since my life is consumed with my new kitty, Toffee, this will be my first topic.

Why Toffee is smarter than a dog:

Hasn't had a single "accident." Went straight to using the kitty litter

She can bathe herself.

She knows when its safe to bite the tip of my nose. (when I'm sleeping)

Innately curious about EVERYTHING, which is a quick way to learn about everything.

She's only 3 months old, and has figured out how to get on top of my pretty darn tall bed, on top of the bathroom counter, and pretty much everywhere else she wants to go.

Did I mention she hasn't had any accidents and I don't have to take her outside to do her business?

She's very health conscious. I have a basket of tootsie rolls...and 1 by 1 she is hiding them around my apartment so that I don't eat them. And I do appreciate her care.

She can chase a laser-pointer like there's no tomorrow. A sure sign of intelligence.

Why Toffee is as dumb as a dog (because dogs would do this too.....so she's not dumb-er):

She gets in the fridge. And has been shut in there for awhile until I've realized I couldn't find her.

She doesn't know the difference between when the lid is open or shut on the toilet. I have caught her mid-air a couple times before she landed in the toilet.

She has fallen in the shower....while it was on.

She sometimes thinks playtime is 2 am. And Jill is playing dead. And you wake her from the dead by jumping on her.

She chews on my shoes.

Well that's enough for now. She's constantly making me laugh though. She's young enough to not quite have the full grace of a cat.

End of post 1.