Busy busy busy!

I'm late, I'm late for a very important date.  No time to say hello, goodbye!  I'm late! I'm late! I'm late!
Saw the new Alice in Wonderland movie.  I should have worn some of my Alice in Wonderland makeup but I unfortunately didn't think of it.  Unfortunate.  Why is a raven like a writing desk?

I'm hired.  Going to take care of babies.  Taking care of God's babies!!!  I'm excited.  And a little nervous.  I don't want to make any mistakes.  Unfortunately, I know thats impossible.  But I'm going to do my best to not. 

Just got back fom home for Easter, which was so nice and relaxing.  We just talked, and talked.  Ate and ate.  Wonderful!  I had a great time at home.

I did think mom's finger was over the lense, but thought surely she'd see it in the screen if it really was there.......lol

Time.......Loss & Hope, Future & Past, & Soap

I finished the book.  It wasn't easy.  The majority of the book was following their happy lives.  But by the end you know what's inevitable.  And it's no big surprise.  But you still are never ready.  So I cried and cried while reading for the last hour or so.  And went to clinic all swollen the next day!!!

Why did I read it I wonder?  I think being able to connect and understand with situation and apply it to what's going on around me........it's a way of dealing with it.  Otherwise I will just avoid it.

Strangely enough I feel like this book mirrors our family's life quite a bit.

"But don't you think," I persist, " that it's better to be extremely happy for a short while, even if you lose it, than to be just ok for your whole life?"

Sounds very familiar to something our family has said repeatedly.  It's better to have someone wonderful in your life for a short time than to have an "ok" person forever. (Of course, referring to Dad).

It's been over a year now.  And still it's pretty difficult.  Not unbearable, but difficult.  Something mom has said that I didn't quit understand until recently was how she couldn't believe how some object could still be here, but dad gone.  I find myself thinking something similar.  Man, this may sound crazy.  But I'll say it anyway.  There's some soap I bought October 2008, shaped like a pumpkin.  I didn't use it up last halloween so I saved it and brought it back out this Halloween, and still didn't finish it, so I've been using it occasionally since to get it out of here.  Now that I'm getting to the bottom of the bottle, I am getting a little sad because I think "I bought this while Dad was still alive.  This was here while Dad was alive." It's like when I was a kid, and would use up stickers and would be sad.  Kinda silly.  But still.  

As for the bottle, I'm now having to pump it a few times to get enough soap out.

Time Traveler's Daughter

Received a book, The Time Traveler's Wife, for my birthday way back in October along with a box of tissues in the mail from a friend.  This was soon after he had invited me to join a group of friends to go see the movie.  I was DEFINITELY unprepared, cried through the whole movie, and was gross, swollen, and snotty afterwards.  Making everyone uncomfortable.
So I think sending me the book was a sort of apology, rather than rubbing it in my face that I boo-hooed like a baby.

So I'm re-torturing myself and reading the book.  Enjoying it so far, and haven't gotten to the upset part.  Maybe I should stop now before I reach it!

SPOILER ALERT************* Don't read further if you haven't read/watched the movie

I don't know the story behind why the book was written, but if it were up to me, the "time traveling" is memories of a person after they die.  The book goes forwards and backwards of course in ways memories actually can't, but if I were writing the book, essentially that is what it would have been about.

When I can place whatever fictional situation and apply if to my life, that's when I get really upset.  I look at it less from his perspective, but from the perspective of the wife and daughter.  To relive this person over and over again after they die is wonderful and re-upsetting  because you realize how much you miss every little thing about them.

But I'm also jealous of the movie/book because they actually get to experience the person themselves rather than just as a memory.  But maybe that would keep you from never moving on if you were just waiting for the next moment to see them.  

I'm actually really sad about Dad not being at my graduation.  He would have been the most excited of everyone, and possibly the most proud.  He had the most confidence of anyone that I'd get into Pharmacy School and make it through.  I'm really sad he didn't get to see me finish.

Lessons can be learned from chocolate.

Now that I've gotten through the tougher parts of the semester, I've started looking more and more ahead and getting excited.  Staying in school for sooooooo long....has made me feel like my life had be come so stagnant.  Felt stuck and my life was just staying in the same place.

Thank goodness I am nearly done.  I'm going to get to do something different with my life very soon!!!!  I've been really excited about moving.  I've gone through a lot of very difficult things in this apartment.  And I'm planning on leaving a lot of that here in the apartment.  Hopefully the move out clean will make it new for the next tenant!

I'm also excited about new people.  Where I end up working will be filled with new people.  I love meeting new people.  Opportunities for future friendships, and beyond! Who knows!


Now for the more immediate future, mom's getting ready to come visit me in a few weeks! I think we are going to look at apartments, run around town, and just have a good time.  I haven't seen her, or any of my family since christmas (JULIE!), so I'm really glad to have her come visit.  Julie, I better see you too.  I really miss seeing my fam.  When I go a long time w/o seeing them, I feel so disconnected from them.  

And even more immediate, may get to go to a Mavs game this weekend.  Never been before!


Then for recent past....so Valentines didn't turn out as planned.  Ended up being a lot of fun anyhow.  But definitely has made me rethink some things.

 I've seen this a couple of times.  When are a person is TOO close to some of their friends, that they get in a severely dependent relationship with them. It makes people around you feel unwelcome, unwanted, and finally quit being friends with you.
Any type of relationship, whether it be a friendship or courtship, that starts shutting other people in your life out is unhealthy.  Believe me, I know from first hand experience.  But I assumed it was only with boyfriend/girlfriend relationships.  But twice now I've seen it where overly dependent friendships shut other people out.  And both have ended with me deciding to quit being friends with them to avoid being hurt.  Because it's inevitable.

We can't go around measuring our goodness by what we don't do, by what we deny ourselves, by what we resist and who we exclude.

Sick again!

Got sick again yesterday!  Gettin' sick of it.

So slept a lot of yesterday, while it snowed aaaalll day!! Thats right.  All day.  In north texas.  A little crazy.  I'd say around here we probably have about 5-6 inches.

Luckily no rotation today so I dont have to get out in it.  But thanks to a little cabin fever, I decided to redecorate my blog.  And take a cabin fever pic.  That should explain the funny photo.

Well I've had much stress relief since I last posted!!!  I have a possible job.....a definite fall-back...done with Grand Rounds...and done with Adult Medicine!  So I'm starting to look ahead and get excited, rather than look ahead not knowing where I may be and worrying.  And started looking at apartments.  If it works out like I think it may, I'll probably end up living in the same area.  So I'm looking at slightly larger apartments....preferably with a second bedroom per the mom.  (Mom volunteered your old bed Julie if thats ok)

So I've been looking online at ones where I'm at, and right around here.  I'll just play them against each other the best I can!

Anyone wanna come look for apartments with me?  Julie?  Bueller?  :)

I'm going to get back to reading and being pitiful for the day.  But I love looking out my window at all the beautiful snow!

Can't wait for Wednesday 5 PM.

Wednesday 5 PM.  I will have taken my Adult Medicine final and have just finished my grand rounds presentation.  CANNOT WAIT!  It will be such a huge stress off of my shoulders :)

When I'm done with my GR....I will start working out more again.  And cooking....I've been looking through my "Top Secret Restaurant Recipes 2" by Todd Wilbur and been eyeing recipes I want to test out....definately want to make sure Chili's salsa....have made it before and its one of my favorite salsas everywhere.  Its the massive amounts of cumin that make it so amazing!

Also I was doing research on the newer recipe book like mine......and it wasnt looking so good.  It had a bunch of McDonald's recipes for example.....and Arby's sauce recipe....Really?  People want to make that crap at home?  Because I think he chooses recipes to make based on request.  and people REALLY want MORE McDonalds?

Julie -- remember that restaurant we went to that had the yummy pulled pork sandwich?  I wanna go there when you come visit me.  They have this amazing Basil-Grape drink that i LOOOOOOOVE.  And i've been craving that amazing pulled pork sandwich.
--My recipe book has a pulled pork sandwich w/ some coleslaw in it, so it made me think of that.

I will also quit getting sick!  I'm blaming the stress on me getting sick TWICE this week.  Although it's really probably not the reason.....so I did go ahead and get an antibiotic to help me really kick it this time.  Although it still kinda baffles me.  Both times I've had high fever (especially this latest bout) for a full day and just had general malaise all day long.  and a cough.  And chest tightness.  But then day 2, feel MUCH better.  And just have a little cough left......?!?  It better not come back!!!

And now for Valentines day -- I dont have plans yet.  YET.  Who know what may happen between now and Sunday though.  I'm still crossing my fingers that one of the medical residents thinks its a good idea to ask me to do something.  Not that I've really talked much to any of them outside of the ones on my team, but you know, it may happen ;)  

But I did send my mom and my sister a surprise which I hope comes before V-day!  It's a fun little present so I hope they like it.  And I hope I get to enjoy it too when I come to visit!!!


But Wednesday at 5.  I just have to survive until then.

Presentation... career....cute heels

All 3 things currently on my mind.

I have my Grand Rounds presentation next wednesday.  I am anxious about it, and I never feel prepared enough!  But I have my ppt prepared and turned in...all I have to do now is review all the literature, make sure i understand the biostatistics....and present it. So ready to have it over!  One more thing to check off before I graduate!

Career.....Currently searching for one.  It's an exciting but nerve-wracking process!  I've begun interviewing, and have some hopefuls!  So my fingers are crossed.  Have until May so I suppose I won't stress too much yet.  I will  though.....but i will TRY not to!

Cute heels.  I've decided today that its healthy for everyone to have hobbies.  I have other hobbies....but what a wonderful hobby it would be to collect heels!! Heels.....Heels make you feel powerful.  I am woman! At least it makes me feel powerful/pretty/poised.  Heels are therapeutic.
And they make everyone's legs look great.

I got myself some new heels to reward myself for my hard work on my presentation.  Or to relieve the stress of it.  Both.