Inpatient

So I figured out why really suddenly I'm back to thinking about it all the time and being pretty sad and having daily crying episodes.

In theory, I knew that inpatient rotation could upset me, but I didnt know what to expect. It is in an ICU, which dad was in for a year. After the first day I knew it upset me to go in an ICU for the first time since, but decided since then that it didn't bother me.

Survived this week, only to have a not so bueno weekend, being pretty sad and thinking about the past year constantly. Apparently the ICU and patients that I've been assigned really are getting to me. I've been blocking my thinking about this, and this is forcing me to face some of this stuff all over again. One of my patients I'm following I am scared to find out what's gone on over the weekend. If the worst has happened, I dont know how I'll react.

So I emailed my preceptor and explained the situation since I know she probably didnt know, and I didnt want her to think that my attitude was due to laziness or just not caring. I almost wish I could just get moved to something else....ANYTHING else....like surgery or something. I know I will get less sensitive to this stuff, but man, the wound hasnt scabbed over like I thought it had yet.

I know she's not going to be happy with my patient workup....but I just really don't even wanna look at their chart or think about it.

My kitty lost a tooth today. Had no clue that cats "teethed".