Old mirrors

I'm sure everyone has this. Surely anyway.

Memories that when you think of them you feel sad, but really it's more of a longing for them because they are so wonderful.

Right now (of course) I'm longing for my childhood again. Reliving memories over and over in my mind because I want them again so badly.

An old mirror with all of those shadows and imperfections that come with age recently took me back to spending the night with my grandparents. This always included playing in her closet, bubble baths, the fireplace being on no matter the time of year, and OJ (always on hand since grandad had diabetes) and old-fashioned oatmeal for breakfast before we went home with the parents.

Flipping channels and quickly going by the travel channel featuring "Disney Vacations" triggered a memory that I had to ask mom if this was a real memory. I was really really little when we went to Disneyland, and we went to this thing called something like an electric light parade that's after dark. All i remember is this giant light catapillar that reminded me of my sisters glow worm.

I'm not really sure what triggered this, I remember the only time I ever heard my dad cry in a child-like way, and it was when we were going out to the farm to bury our dog Trixie. I dont know if I'll ever be able to find that tree myself, it was near some tail water pit. I guess it doesnt matter. I just hate that I dont know.

What about all the lost memories? I wish I had one of those mis-wired brains sometimes that files everything away, and is easily accessible no matter when no matter what.


I know I am so lucky to have had these memories. How can they be so painful then? I wish thinking of them brought me joy right now. In a sense they do, but mostly just sadness that they're gone never to re-live.

You know, this really isn't fair. All I can say is that I'm not ready. A little late I guess.

DABDA