Time.......Loss & Hope, Future & Past, & Soap

I finished the book.  It wasn't easy.  The majority of the book was following their happy lives.  But by the end you know what's inevitable.  And it's no big surprise.  But you still are never ready.  So I cried and cried while reading for the last hour or so.  And went to clinic all swollen the next day!!!

Why did I read it I wonder?  I think being able to connect and understand with situation and apply it to what's going on around me........it's a way of dealing with it.  Otherwise I will just avoid it.

Strangely enough I feel like this book mirrors our family's life quite a bit.

"But don't you think," I persist, " that it's better to be extremely happy for a short while, even if you lose it, than to be just ok for your whole life?"

Sounds very familiar to something our family has said repeatedly.  It's better to have someone wonderful in your life for a short time than to have an "ok" person forever. (Of course, referring to Dad).

It's been over a year now.  And still it's pretty difficult.  Not unbearable, but difficult.  Something mom has said that I didn't quit understand until recently was how she couldn't believe how some object could still be here, but dad gone.  I find myself thinking something similar.  Man, this may sound crazy.  But I'll say it anyway.  There's some soap I bought October 2008, shaped like a pumpkin.  I didn't use it up last halloween so I saved it and brought it back out this Halloween, and still didn't finish it, so I've been using it occasionally since to get it out of here.  Now that I'm getting to the bottom of the bottle, I am getting a little sad because I think "I bought this while Dad was still alive.  This was here while Dad was alive." It's like when I was a kid, and would use up stickers and would be sad.  Kinda silly.  But still.  

As for the bottle, I'm now having to pump it a few times to get enough soap out.

Time Traveler's Daughter

Received a book, The Time Traveler's Wife, for my birthday way back in October along with a box of tissues in the mail from a friend.  This was soon after he had invited me to join a group of friends to go see the movie.  I was DEFINITELY unprepared, cried through the whole movie, and was gross, swollen, and snotty afterwards.  Making everyone uncomfortable.
So I think sending me the book was a sort of apology, rather than rubbing it in my face that I boo-hooed like a baby.

So I'm re-torturing myself and reading the book.  Enjoying it so far, and haven't gotten to the upset part.  Maybe I should stop now before I reach it!

SPOILER ALERT************* Don't read further if you haven't read/watched the movie

I don't know the story behind why the book was written, but if it were up to me, the "time traveling" is memories of a person after they die.  The book goes forwards and backwards of course in ways memories actually can't, but if I were writing the book, essentially that is what it would have been about.

When I can place whatever fictional situation and apply if to my life, that's when I get really upset.  I look at it less from his perspective, but from the perspective of the wife and daughter.  To relive this person over and over again after they die is wonderful and re-upsetting  because you realize how much you miss every little thing about them.

But I'm also jealous of the movie/book because they actually get to experience the person themselves rather than just as a memory.  But maybe that would keep you from never moving on if you were just waiting for the next moment to see them.  

I'm actually really sad about Dad not being at my graduation.  He would have been the most excited of everyone, and possibly the most proud.  He had the most confidence of anyone that I'd get into Pharmacy School and make it through.  I'm really sad he didn't get to see me finish.